hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
