i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
