we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
