You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
