My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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