I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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