My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
