office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
