i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
