i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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