dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
