Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
