I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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