I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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