new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
