I hate your face
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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