dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
