Jerry, you need to find god
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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