mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
