Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
