i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
