I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
