you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
