apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
