Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
