Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
