Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need water and some morals
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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