I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
