we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
