The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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