I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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