Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
