Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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