im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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