So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
