tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
