Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
