My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
