just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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