im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
