he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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