Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
