hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
