Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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