you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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