Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
