Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
