I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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