i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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