well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
