i don't plan on having that self control this summer
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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